i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
