He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize