Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
