yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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