i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could make wine with my vomit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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