Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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