a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
