i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
