she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize