Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
