what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
