I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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