I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
