I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn victory sex feels great
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
