I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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