She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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