sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
