I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
