I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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