i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize