I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize