Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
