Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize