If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
