You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
