Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you have feelings for this penis?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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