This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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