the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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