CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
