Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize