my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
