did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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