Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
