I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize