My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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