Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
