It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
