Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
