I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
