hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
