please come you make the beer taste better
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
