Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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