Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
