i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
