you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
