Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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