You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize