This is not my ceiling
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Boobs are out for the taking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
