so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
