I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
