her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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