we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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