Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
