there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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