I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
