my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
