Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize