you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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