Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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