I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
